Emotional wellness in young children is the ability to form warm and loving relationships with ones peers, teachers, and parents. It is the ability to play imaginatively and lose oneself in an activity, such as drawing, painting, cooking, blocks, or puzzles. It is the ability to learn the many things that the world has to teach about people, places, letters, numbers. In an essence, emotional wellness in children is what Freud concisely characterized it to be in adults: the ability to love and work.
Emotional wellness is much easier to define in its absence, when there are challenges and difficulties. What are the signs of emotional difficulties in young children?
One big sign of emotional problems in young children is when they have difficulties relating to other people. Relationships with adults are marked by power struggles and strife. Instead of feelings of affection and patience, teachers and parents frequently feel aggravation and frustration. "I did not sign up for this," is a common refrain.
Relationships with peers may also be a problem. Children may act aggressively with other children instead of sharing and playing. They may tease others, provoke others or act meanly.
Aggression may be turned on themselves, in words and behavior. Children may say things such as, "I hate myself," or "Nobody likes me," or "I hate my life." They may act recklessly and engage in self-injurious behaviors, such as jumping off high places or banging their heads.
Withdrawn behavior is another sign of emotional difficulties in young children, though it rarely receives the same attention as externalized behaviors. Children who shy away from interactions with their teachers and peers, and who are generally not engaged in life in the same joyful and spontaneous way as other children may be a cause for concern. Particularly if this behavior has come on suddenly.
Another sign of emotional difficulties in children is in their transitions. Children may run away when it is time to come off the playground, nervously giggling while taking flight from their teacher. They may wander from their classroom when the activity changes, or erupt into a tantrum. Separations may be marked by prolonged disturbances from which the child is not able to easily recover. Instead of exhibiting flexibility during moments of change, they respond with rigidity and fear.
Other signs of emotional difficulties are disturbances in sleep, such as nightmares or night terrors. Night terrors are when a child awakens a few hours after going to bed screaming, thrashing, and crying. His eyes are wide open and he appears panicked and frightened, but, in fact, he is still asleep. Both nightmares and night terrors are associated with anxiety about daytime events, particularly conflict between a child's parents.
A child with emotional difficulties may also soil or wet themselves beyond the time when this is considered developmentally appropriate. In fact, a child's age and stage of development must be taken into account when considering any of the aforementioned symptoms (separation anxiety, aggression, disturbances in social interactions, tantrums, sleep disturbances, enuresis, and encopresis). For example, wetting at age two is considered developmentally appropriate, but at age five it is not. An inability to share is expected by age four but not at one and a half.
If you are wondering whether or not your child is having emotional difficulties, ask your child's teacher. Request a meeting with the mental health consultant or psychologist working at your child's school. Seek out professionals in your community that are specialized in working with young children.
It is a common misperception that a child's social-emotional functioning is separate and distinct from their cognitive abilities. They are inherently linked. A simple example follows: if a child is distracted by his or her own anxieties, it will be hard for him to sit down at circle time and learn from a story. If you want to support your child's cognitive development and later academic prowess, you need to set them on the right track socially and emotionally.
Many parents feel embarrassed or ashamed to say that they or their child is having emotional difficulties. There is a cultural stigma about all things psychological. Many parents think that seeing a therapist means they, their child or their family is crazy. There is nothing stigmatizing about supporting your child's development and bettering your relationship with your child!
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